I wrote this at the beginning of the year:
A New Year. And with it comes a desire to change an attitude that is impeding my progress. I will always have a cynical side where the world and human beings are concerned, and I think it stands up to honest scrutiny. It serves me well. But this should not be confused with a too easy naysaying negativity that always wants to focus on what's wrong rather than what's good. This sour world-weary attitude is a habit that does not withstand honest scrutiny and needs to be replaced. I've always done a good job of preaching an optimistic sort of pragmatism to others, but I've not been quite so successful at living it myself. Though it is true that I've gotten better at it as I've gotten older, I've still got a ways to go. And lately the fear of losing the vitality of youth, physically and mentally, has strengthened this bad habit. But it occurs to me that this is as young as I will ever be and someday I will look back on it and I do not want to think that I wasted good years lamenting what was gone rather than making good use of what I had. So the night before last I wondered what it would be like to commit to consciously making this a good year. Why not try to make this the best year it could realistically be rather than simply passively watching time continue to slip by? So I'm going to give it a shot. I don't think it entails anything truly dramatic. It's more a question of taking real steps to achieving some achievable goals and stopping to acknowledge the good things in life that often tend to be forgotten or taken for granted.
I was feeling pretty good. That was then. Thus far this has been the worst year I've had in say five years. Since oh, aught two I guess. It's been a number of things, some very specific, but no matter. What I wrote three months ago was true then and it is true now. So I'm a stickin' to it. I write down something good that happened for every day. Granted there were a couple weeks or so there where I just couldn't do it, so I hunkered down and breathed and when I knew some help would help, I asked for it. In my own way. And things are coming around slowly. I've had some treats which I will tell y'all about shortly and I have more in store. Cheers pals.
