FINAL NOTICE

For weeks now I have been getting increasingly alarming emails from that thug Sallie Mae. Each day I open my email to see the newest grim portent from her, warning me that I stand to lose thousands and thousands of dollars come July 1st when interest rates on student loans are raised by the federal government. I ignored them mostly, thinking "ah, July, that's a long ways off." Well, here it is, two days from July, and the would be consolidators have reached defcon 4. And the paranoia has proven infectious. When July was in the not too distant future I figured this whole thing was some way for the rich to get richer at my expense and I would simply continue to send Sallie Mae a pound of my flesh every month while ignoring all her pleas. But now I am convinced that if I don't consolidate I really will get screwed and end up even more bitter about my failed grad school adventure and the mountains of debt it left me with. So I am going to surrender. Tonight, I will consolidate. Please pray for me. And if any of you know anything about obtaining new identities or faking one's death, please contact me privately.